Playdate
by Irhaboggles
Summary: Professor Squawkencluck describes herself as a woman who has no idea how to play like a little girl, but why is that? She drops hints that she had a less than stellar upbringing, but she never goes beyond that and no one ever thinks to ask. What was Professor Squawkencluck's history like? What made it so difficult for her to play with all the other little girls when she was a kid?


"You have to admit it, professor, you _enjoyed_ playing like a little kid!" Danger Mouse teased his scientist-friend and associate.

"Ha! Please!" she scoffed in return. "I was just playing that liked playing! I can't believe you bought it, Danger Mouse!"

"Nope, you liked it!" Danger Mouse singsonged.

"Didn't!" Professor Squawkencluck shot back.

"Did," replied Danger Mouse.

"Didn't, Princess Cindy," Professor Squawkencluck retaliated, smirking as she used the name Danger Mouse had come up with for himself during their mission. It was a stupid name, and even he was willing to admit it, but it wasn't like he'd had the time to come up with anything better.

"Stop that!" the mouse snapped, narrowing his eye at the hen.

"Shan't," she replied without missing a beat, and their little back-and-forth banter carried on for several minutes more.

At last, however, their fight came to an end when Danger Mouse finally grew frustrated enough to storm off. Professor Squawkencluck watched him go with a look of grim satisfaction. The moment he was gone, however, a nervous and embarrassed expression flickered across her face. Although she scarcely even admitted it to herself, Danger Mouse had not been wrong in what he had said about her and how she felt while having a playdate with the spoiled little brat known as Dawn Crumhorn. As terrible and mean as Dawn had been, for the few short minutes where Professor Squawkencluck had been playing with her in order to keep her distracted, she had genuinely come to enjoy what she was doing. It was just that, originally, she had been nervous. She had never been very good at playing, and this all stemmed back from very early in her childhood.

Professor Squawkencluck had been blessed with an intelligence most _adults _could only ever dream of. To her, however, this was no gift, but a curse! To be a young child at school and to already be twice as smart as the teacher was not fun at all. Instead, it made her into a social pariah, and she found it very difficult to connect with her peers...

"What are you doing?" little Professor Squawkencluck asked some of the girls in her first grade class.

"Playing House!" they replied, each of them holding up a doll. "Want to join?"

"Sure!" Professor Squawkencluck grinned, wasting no time in joining the girls on the floor to play their little games. For about five minutes, it was fun. She enjoyed laughing and chatting with the other girls, and she liked all the wonderful stories that they were creating together while they played, but things took a sharp turn south when one of the girls jokingly pretended that she had blown up the house while cooking.

"Oh no!" she pretended to wail, making her doll cover its eyes in despair.

"Actually," Professor Squawkencluck interrupted the story quickly. "A kitchen fire would never cause that drastic of an explosion. Instead, unless you had really volatile combustibles stored within the vicinity, at most, the frying pan would ignite, but that would easily be put out by placing a lid on top of the pan!" she smartly shoved her doll into the house, pretending to smother the fire. Instead of receiving praise for her self-perceived heroism, however, all the other girls began to frown at her.

"It was only a game," one of them muttered. "No need to be so serious."

"Yeah! Quit showing off how smart you are! You don't need to keep rubbing it in! We already know you're a genius!" cried another.

"We can't all be as smart as you, you know?" a third demanded crossly.

"You're ruining all the fun!" a fourth agreed. "Your making it too realistic and removing all the imagination!"

"No one here even knows what "volt-tee-tile" even means, except for you!" a fifth hissed.

"Wh-what?" Professor Squawkencluck blinked, genuinely shocked and hurt by the swift and sudden retorts her "friends" were lashing out at her with. She really hadn't seen anything wrong with what she had said or done but, somehow, she had managed to anger everyone there. They all glared at her while she stared back at them, beak open in horror and dismay, eyes brimming with hurt and shame. What had she done wrong?

From that day on, Professor Squawkencluck was invited to play with the other girls less and less. She did once try to win their affections back by joining them as they tried on dresses and makeup, but that didn't work very well either.

"See? Isn't this more fun?" one of the girls asked Professor Squawkencluck as she twirled around in a fancy blue dress.

"Yes! Nothing complicated or scientific at all!" a second agreed as she began to apply lipstick to her lips.

"But it's uncomfortable!" Professor Squawkencluck protested, struggling to fit her tail feathers into the dress she'd been given. She actually had a very good hand and eye for fashion, clothing and makeup, but she didn't find it fun! She found it boring, stupid and excessive.

"This isn't really that fun, guys," she muttered, but the others were all too busy preening each other to hear her complaints. She left the game shortly thereafter, but none of them noticed her leave either. That hurt worse than she could've ever imagined.

From that day on, Professor Squawkencluck became a true social pariah and she no longer played with anyone in her class. She never ever had a single playdate with anyone! The boys continued to insist that they were stronger and smarter than she was, and that she didn't belong with them. They would always force her to go back over to the girls. But the girls weren't any fun either. They either complained that she was being too weird and nerdy, or the things that they found fun wouldn't bring any pleasure to her. Because of that, Professor Squawkencluck quickly realized that she was very much alone in the world and that if she wanted to find any fun, she would have to make it for herself...

Fast forward to high school and Professor Squawkencluck was easily on the way to becoming the valedictorian of her class. She took all advanced classes and had straight As in all of them. Additionally, she was working an internship with the school's science department, and she was in several STEM clubs that her school had to offer. She even led couple of them! And to top it off, she was also working on several personal projects and theses. In a nutshell, she was a Super Mega Nerd. But just like before, instead of being praised for her wit or talent, it served only as a social stumbling block for her, keeping her apart from the rest of her peers.

Professor Squawkencluck simply could not understand her peers or the things that they liked, and vice versa. It was like there was a wall between them. It was like they spoke different languages. This lack of communication drove Professor Squawkencluck further and further away from everyone else, and more and more inside of her own mind. If she had been a freak and outcast in elementary school, it had only peaked in high school. She had no friends, no love interests, no hobbies outside of academic pursuits, and no one cared at all for her, unless it was to get her to do their homework for them. The moment her use to them was gone, however, the students quickly forgot about her once again.

"Ugh," Professor Squawkencluck gave a sad, irritated sigh as she rested her chin in her wing. While she sat in the school's library, trying to study quantum physics, she could see her peers running up and down the halls outside like a bunch of maniacs. A few of them even pressed their faces against the library windows to mock her.

"Nerd! Geek! Weirdo! Book-beak!" they taunted, wiggling their tongues, fingers and ears at her.

"URGH!" she repeated, turning her chair away from the window and trying her best to ignore them and shut them out. But even though they eventually grew tired of teasing her, their words rang in her ears for a long time more. She was very lonely.

It was small wonder, then, why she had become such a free-spirited and rebellious nut-job during her later teen years at the start of college. Finally driven over the edge from the loneliness, bullying and social isolation, Professor Squawkencluck did a complete flip and suddenly became the hardest partying girl in the university. She was quite literally, That Party Chick, who never did anything on time, except showing up to a frat house to drink, dance and be totally reckless, wild and merry. She turned her wits and scientific invention into tools of mayhem and madness.

"TURN IT UP!" she bellowed, pointing at the DJ at one of the frat parties she was attending. She had given him a new sonic stereo she'd invented the previous week and it made the sound of the music even sharper, clearer and louder than ever before. The DJ nodded back at her before raising the volume once again. She cheered like a maniac, eyes almost wild as she shook her large rear end as hard and fast as she could.

"Oooh! Get it, girl!" some of the other roosters nearby crowed at her in amusement, raising their beer bottles at her. She only cheered and winked right back at them before jumping up onto a nearby couch and pounding her chest like a madwoman, whooping all the while. And this was not the first time she'd used her brilliant inventions as tools for parties.

But the party life could not last forever. As much fun as it had been, that nerdier, quieter side of her had never truly gone away. Instead, it had only taken a vacation, so to speak, and when it finally came back around, Professor Squawkencluck found herself slowly slipping back out of the party scene and back into the science scene. Naturally, this decision had lost her quite a few friends and earned her the ire from some of the other party-students who had enjoyed using her inventions for chaotic fun, but she had no regrets returning to her lonely roots.

"Sorry, boys," she told some of the party roosters. "That's just not really my thing anymore!"

"But books and math and science and homework are?" they crowed. "You must be insane!" but Professor Squawkencluck only shook her head and continued on her way to the campus library. It was a sad, cruel life, but it was the only one that she truly enjoyed. The party life had been fun, honestly, but it had only been a phase. It seemed like the nerd in her was the one that was going to win out.

The rest of her college years were pretty lonely too, but at least the bullying wasn't quite as bad. But then at last, Professor Squawkencluck graduated. She finished at the top of her class, unsurprisingly, and quickly landed a job at the Danger Agency. It was there that she met Penfold and Danger Mouse. For years, the trio became a team, going on all sorts of mad adventures together. But as close as Professor Squawkencluck grew to the two agents, she was still very guarded around them and she never told them anything about her history. She didn't even bother to talk about her own parents until the day one of them showed up at the agency! And she had yet to even mention her school years to them!

But it wasn't entirely out of shame, bad memories or mistrust in her two coworkers. Part of the reason Professor Squawkencluck never talked about her past was simply because it was no longer on her mind. She had a new life now, and she couldn't spend her time moping about the past. She had things she needed to focus on, so sometimes, memories of the past simply slipped her mind. But the overarching feelings of loneliness and isolation never truly went away. They were the one thing she could never forget, and the one thing she never felt comfortable sharing. She would forget all the smaller details about the social rejection she'd faced in the past, but she would never forget how sad, embarrassed and out of place it made her feel. At least the Danger Agency welcomed her intelligence.

But then Dawn appeared in the picture and Professor Squawkencluck's past was called back into the present.

"We need something to get us close!" Danger Mouse muttered as he tried to think up a way to sneak up on Dawn and stop her before she turned the entire globe into her big, shiny, plastic plaything.

"We could turn you into princess!" Professor Squawkencluck replied with a suggestion of her own, pulling a lever and reveal a secret compartment of her lab that unfolded into a complete dressing room. Danger Mouse and Penfold were both so stunned by such an idea that neither of them even thought to ask why the supposedly non-fun-having nerd scientist that was Professor Squawkencluck even had such a feature in her lab at all.

Even if they had thought to ask, however, it was unlikely that Professor Squawkencluck would've been able to give an answer. Truth be told, even _she _didn't know why she had such a feature down here in her lab. Maybe it was a subconscious attempt to have that which she had lacked as a little girl, or maybe it was her way of trying to understand, from a scientific perspective, what was so fun about all of this. Either way, though, Professor Squawkencluck wasn't quite sure why she had a makeup section in her lab either...

"You're just trying to get back at me for all the inventions I've broken!" Danger Mouse grunted, glaring at the dressing room.

"It's the only way to get you close enough!" Professor Squawkencluck replied. "Dressing you up like idiots is just a bonus!"

What followed was an amusing makeover montage where Professor Squawkencluck helped turn Penfold and Danger Mouse into beautiful princesses. Professor Squawkencluck may have not been a typical girly girl and she may not have had much practice in the way of playdates, but she really had always had a knack for fashion and makeup. Even if she hadn't used her skills since those disastrous days in elementary school, they were still sharp enough to work. Unfortunately, the two agents got their revenge on her soon after, insisting that they would need her talents again once they were up against Dawn. As such, they quickly turned the tables and forced Professor Squawkencluck to join them as a third princess, shoving her into a dress and makeup as well. Suffice to say, she was not amused.

"Remember, we're little girls here to play," Danger Mouse whispered as the three of them approached Dawn's house-turned-mansion.

"I've never been good at playing, Danger Mouse," Professor Squawkencluck replied nervously. It was the first, last, only and closest time she'd ever gotten to telling anyone about her less-than-stellar, less-than-normal past.

"Call me Princess Cindy," Danger Mouse replied. "But, what do you do for fun?" he asked, trying to coax an idea out of her bewigged head.

"I mix rare chemicals to create compounds which are unknown to science and I-" she began, trying to prove her point about what an oddball she was. She didn't get further than that, however, before Dawn spotted them.

"Up here!" she waved them up to her room and they had no choice but to obey. The moment she caught sight of Professor Squawkencluck, however, her eyes narrowed and, just for an instant, Professor Squawkencluck thought for sure that they were dead. That Dawn had somehow seen through their pathetic costumes. But it turned out that Dawn only wanted to ask her to play, decreeing that she was the prettiest of the three guests.

"Let's play!" she pleaded. Professor Squawkencluck felt her heart stop again. What if she couldn't do this? What if she couldn't pull it off? What if she failed to entertain Dawn? What if she blew their cover? Or made a mistake that cost them all their heads? Or at least their wigs? What if she angered Dawn? What if she made this big mess even worse? What if she accidently sabotaged the mission just because she had no idea what to do?

But it was too late. When Professor Squawkencluck made a hesitant expression, Dawn narrowed her beady little pink eyes again and Professor Squawkencluck knew that she had about five seconds to start acting like a normal little girl, or things would get even worse even faster. Swallowing her nerves, the scientist pulled on a fake smile before joining Dawn at her side.

"So, uhhh, what shall we play?" she asked nervously.

"Patty Cake!" Dawn answered immediately, then she began a very fast and elaborate hand game with Professor Squawkencluck. By some miracle, though, Professor Squawkencluck managed to keep pace. Successfully beating that game gave her a renewed sense of hope and confidence and, just for a moment, she even laughed. Maybe she wasn't as bad at playing as she thought! Maybe she was more normal and ok than she first believed! Maybe everything would be just fine after all! Maybe she would survive this mission! Just for a moment, Professor Squawkencluck felt genuinely happy, and she almost began to enjoy herself...

While Danger Mouse and Penfold continued to sneak around Dawn's room, trying to find her source of power, Professor Squawkencluck continued to distract her. With the hand game done, Dawn decided to move onto makeovers and Professor Squawkencluck was going first.

"You first!" Dawn shrilled as she pulled out a brush and comb.

"Ok!" by now, Professor Squawkencluck wasn't acting anymore. Dawn's childish joy was infections and Professor Squawkencluck willingly leaned down so that Dawn could reach her hair better. She was grinning widely and it was no longer a strained or false smile. Instead, she felt excited to see what Dawn would do with her and she felt genuinely happy that the little girl seemed to be taking so much pleasure in her company. She continued to watch Dawn work with an affectionate eye, feeling a playful and friendly, familiar connection with the girl even though they were supposed to be enemies and had only met once before.

"This isn't so bad after all!" Professor Squawkencluck whispered to herself as Dawn continued to braid and brush her hair with a deep care and concentration. She really was a cute, sweet, fun little girl. When she wasn't angry. Professor Squawkencluck couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this accepted or welcome and the focus with which Dawn was working on her only made her feel even more loved. It wasn't every day that someone looked at her and decided to beautify her for fun and then take the job seriously. Usually, she was passed off as the stereotypically homely scientist, not exactly ugly, but not exactly beautiful either. But in Dawn's eyes, she truly was a princess, and it made her feel like a queen!

"Do you like it?" Dawn asked once she was done beautifying Professor Squawkencluck.

"I love it!" Professor Squawkencluck promised sincerely. "I never knew playing could be such fun!" she was talking just as much to herself as she was to Dawn when she said this, and Dawn laughed in sheer delight in reply. She always liked it when she was the center of attention and she always liked it when someone was happy with her. Plus, it was nice just to have a real friend to play with. Toys were nice, but a living playmate was a blessing. This pretty princess lady here was very sweet and friendly and playful. Dawn liked her a lot! She was kind of like a big sister!

But then, following several mishaps, Dawn's friendly mood quickly turned hostile as she realized just who these three pretty princesses were. The playdate quickly came to an end a battle began instead. Danger Mouse and his friends won, but even after the mission and the day had come to a close, Professor Squawkencluck could still feel Dawn's eager little fingers grasping at her wig, and she could still feel the ruffles of their dresses pressed together in closeness and friendship. Embarrassing as it was to say, Professor Squawkencluck already almost missed it. It had been her first and only playdate ever, after all. And it had been the first time she didn't actually humiliate herself. It was actually really nice! But it seemed that all good things had to come to an end eventually, and dressing room compartment fun was absolutely not an exception.

With Danger Mouse gone off to do something else and Penfold asleep, Professor Squawkencluck slipped down into her lab and quietly opened up the dressing room compartment once again, sneaking around her own lab like she was an invader. It was like she was so scared of being found out right now that she felt pressured into tiptoeing around her own dominion.

Once the dressing room compartment was open again, however, Professor Squawkencluck gave it a bittersweet smile and she reached out a wing to touch the dress that she had worn while playing princess with Dawn.

"Thank you," she whispered softly. "Though we might've been enemies in the end, that first little bit of friendship was still very real, and I thank you for it. It really does mean a lot to me. That was my first playdate, after all, and it really was a lot of fun..." but after Professor Squawkencluck finished giving her silent thanks and praise to the dress up compartment, she closed it again with a sad sigh.

Oh well. The fun and games were over. Time to get back to being the agency's top scientist and gadgeteer. She was all grown up now. There was no more time for princess games. She'd missed her chance. She had to move on and keep going. She had to return to reality. But that didn't mean she wouldn't miss that tiny taste of normality she'd had while playing with Dawn.

"Oh well," the hen clucked with a sad tilt of her head. Then she shut the lights off in her lab for the night, the dress and the dressing room quickly locked away and forgotten once again.

**AN: Just a long analysis of what we learn about Squawk in "Pink Dawn". NGL, it was kind of sad to see all the references to the idea that Squawk might've been a bit of an outcast in her early days. Consider this fic an exploration of that. But seriously though, why does she have a makeup section in her lab and why does she know so much about making people into princesses if she claims that she's not good at that sort of thing. What is she hiding? Maybe she's just too embarrassed to tell DM and Penfold that she was a loser in school but secretly wanted to fit in? Maybe she's just too embarrassed to tell them that she actually does know how to be a princess even if she doesn't really enjoy it? **

**Also, I fully believe that Squawk enjoyed playing with Dawn (at first at least). If we take the theory that Squawk was the typical school-outcast, of course she'd secretly enjoy playing with Dawn. It would be everything she was denied as a child, sad as that is to say. But anyway, that's just my theory about her upbringing. Squawk is the best (and so is her voice actress, Shauna Macdonald).**


End file.
